Marriage comes with its fair share of unspoken things. You know… those topics you tiptoe around, hoping they’ll somehow disappear?
Well…..They don’t.
Sometimes silence feels safer than saying the hard thing. But the truth? Many Unspoken issues don’t dissolve. They deepen. They simmer beneath the surface until—boom—something small sets everything off.
And that’s why today we’re talking about the elephant in the room. Because ignoring it doesn’t bring peace—it just postpones necessary healing.
What Is the Elephant in the Room?
It’s that tension that lingers after a disagreement.
The unresolved issue you both keep avoiding.
The pattern that keeps showing up but never gets addressed.
It might be something big like
Finances (Frustrations over how money is being spent)
In-laws (I caught an episode of Dr. Phil, and honestly, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What in the world is happening here?),
Emotional distance—or something subtle like feeling unheard or misunderstood.
Whatever it is, pretending it’s not there won’t make it go away.
When Silence Feels Safer Than Speaking Up
Let’s be real—confrontation is hard. Silence can feel easier.
Maybe you don’t want to start an argument. Maybe you’re tired of trying. Maybe you’re afraid of how your spouse will react. I get it.
But silence can create distance. Emotional walls. Disconnection.
And eventually, that silence speaks louder than any words ever could.
Pray Before You Speak, Not After the Explosion
Before diving into any tough conversation, pray. Seriously. Invite God into the room before you even open your mouth.
Ask Him for wisdom, softness, clarity, and love.
Ask Him to prepare your heart—and your spouse’s.
Prayer doesn’t erase the elephant, but it positions your heart to address it with grace instead of anger.
How to Gently Start the Conversation
So how do you break the silence? Here’s how to lovingly approach the elephant in the room:
- Choose the right time. Not in the middle of stress or right before bed.
- Use gentle language.
Instead of “You never talk to me,” try:
“I’ve been feeling disconnected lately. Can we talk about it?” - Stick to the issue. Don’t bring five years of history into a moment that needs focus.
You’re not here to accuse. You’re here to connect.
Listen Just As Much As You Speak
This part right here is key. After you share, listen. Not to defend. Not to win. But to understand.
This is where The Power of Listening really comes into play. Because hearing your spouse’s heart—especially after you’ve spoken yours—builds trust and makes the conversation safe for both of you.
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
— James 1:19 (NIV)
That verse? It wasn’t written just for church arguments or Facebook debates. It’s perfect for marriage. Especially the hard parts.
What Happens When You Keep Avoiding the Conversation?
Avoidance breeds distance. Over time, unspoken issues turn into resentment, and that’s dangerous territory.
When we refuse to address what needs to be said, we’re not protecting the marriage—we’re slowly eroding it.
Silence may feel peaceful at first, but if it’s fueled by fear or avoidance, it becomes a wedge instead of a bridge.
Real Talk Tips for Addressing the Elephant
✔ Start with love. Let your spouse know you care—this isn’t about blame.
✔ Speak from your experience. “I feel…” goes further than “You always…”
✔ Pause to pray together. Even mid-conversation, it shifts the tone completely.
✔ Affirm your commitment. “We’re on the same team. I just want us to grow.”
✔ Be patient. Not every issue will be fixed in one talk—and that’s okay.
Choosing Courage Over Comfort
I know it takes courage to say the hard things. But that kind of courage—the kind that’s rooted in love—can heal what silence only hides.
God didn’t design marriage to be a quiet coexistence. He designed it to be a living, breathing connection between two people who grow together through every season—even the hard ones.
Final Thoughts
Silence isn’t always golden. Sometimes it’s a cover for pain, confusion, or fear. But God invites us into something better—truth spoken in love.
So the next time you feel that elephant taking up space between you and your spouse… don’t sweep it under the rug.
Bring it into the light. Gently. Prayerfully. Lovingly.
Because what you avoid could cost you intimacy—but what you confront with grace can lead to healing and deeper connection.
Need help learning how to really hear your spouse? Head over to The Power of Listening for practical ways to deepen connection and create safe conversations in your marriage.