4 Reasons why married couples fight over money

Couples fight over money all the time. That is why money is one of the major reasons why couples have misunderstandings and end up breaking up in marriage. As I thought about money, I realized that money is not the issue but the underlying reasons that cause the fight. While there may be many reasons, I thought these four reasons affect many couples.

A lady was complaining to me that her husband is unwise in how he uses their money. According to her, he buys electronics all the time. As she eagerly waited for me to side with her, she did not see what I was about to say coming. I asked her, how much money do you spend on clothes, shoes, and jewelry? She gave me a surprised look. I told her that he valued electronics just as much as she valued clothes, shoes, and jewelry. She needed to understand that her spouse did not appreciate the same things she valued and should not diminish what he valued by complaining.

Solution: Budget together. Make sure the items each of you value is in your budget.

There are cases when one of the spouses is fearful. The other partner may not appreciate this fear making their spending habits exacerbate the fear. For example, a husband may have a real fear of poverty. His fear could have stemmed from his background. Maybe he grew up poor and is afraid of going through the things he went through because of lack of money. He may tend to have habits where he would rather not spend or be generous.

On the other hand, his wife has no problem spending money. As long as she stays within the budget, she is good. She may not understand why her husband always complains about a kitchen gadget she bought or window treatments.

Solutions

• Talk about your fears. What makes you afraid and why.
• Have a savings account and discuss how much money you should save in a month.
• Calculate how much you spend in a month on your needs and then save enough for at least six months so that you have the first six months of your bills covered in case something happens.

When one partner controls how money is used in the home, problems always arise. The control may be there because of insecurities or fear, but it may also occur because someone in the marriage is a spendthrift. Whatever the reason, controlling a spouse and their spending habits always put a strain on a marriage. A lady complained that her husband is so controlling that she cannot even go for coffee with her friends. She was getting fed up.

Solutions

• There must be a realization that your husband or wife is a grown-up and not your child. Treat them as such.
• Ask yourself why you must be controlling. What are you afraid of? Why do you feel your voice is more important than your spouses?
• If you are a spendthrift, ask yourself why? Are you trying to compete with other people? Does your lifestyle drive you to a place where you are living beyond your means? What is it that makes you spend without control?
• Come up with a plan on what is important for your family.

In Genesis 11:1-4, we find a people who had a goal to build a tower to reach the heavens. They came up with a vision and agreed concerning that vision. The achievement of their plan was made easier by the fact that they spoke the same language. They could easily understand each other. They then decided the material they needed, which in their case was bricks and mortar, to build this tower.

When two people get married, they become one in theory. But there is a lot of work that goes into this marriage for them to become united. Some issues crop up and can quickly shake that marriage. You find that the woman had a plan to finish school before she gets children. And the man wants children immediately. They must sit down as a couple and decide what is best for them.

When it comes to money, you may find that the man was taking care of his siblings financially, but the woman did not have such obligations. When they come together, they must sit down and decided what is best for their family. And this is when they start running into problems. The man may feel indebted to his parents to take care of his siblings, yet the wife thinks they need to start saving for their future. In this case, it is not money that is the issue, but it is the different interests.

Solutions

• Prioritize. Your immediate family comes first.
• Compromise. There are situations where you need to compromise. Maybe you found your spouse in the process of building their mother a house. You can’t now tell them to stop because priorities have changed. You help your spouse finish that project as you set goals for your home.
• Agree on the length of time. For example, one of my cousin’s children needed help because my cousin could not help him. My husband and I discussed and agreed that we would help him with x amount of money for y length of time for the reasons we saw fit.

Couples do not have to fight over money if they communicate and come up with solutions that will build them and not break them.