A boundary is a dividing line. It marks the limits of an area. Boundaries are important because they keep the good in and the bad out. If you don’t have boundaries, people will define you. People will plan your life for you.
Without boundaries, you will find yourself running other people’s errands. You can easily be controlled and manipulated. Without boundaries, it is challenging to achieve your goals. Without boundaries, you don’t know when to say yes and when to say no. Your values are not clearly defined. You can easily be enmeshed in someone else’s boundaries if you have none. Meaning you do what they do. Without boundaries, there can be such a great demand put on your time and emotions. You must create boundaries.
How do you create boundaries?
- The first step is to examine what boundaries you have or lack. I found this out when I started examining how I relate with people. I found out because I am outgoing and tend to generally love people, I needed to be always aware of my boundaries and the other persons boundaries too. I had to figure out what type of conversations to have with different people.
- The second step is you need to know your limits. Do not be afraid to say no. You may have boundaries with your close family members but none with your friends. Examine instances when you have said yes to something you did not want to do. Then decided you will no longer do this thing that your friend wants you to do because you either don’t want to do it or it has a negative effect on you. If something makes you uncomfortable, do not do it. Do not be afraid to say no and do not be quick to say yes. Have a process you go through before you say yes. Think about what you have been asked to do before you agree to do it. I was examining an employer employee relationship the other day and I just thought to myself, none of them have boundaries. They talk about anything and everything.
- Have a smaller circle. There are some people who just do not listen. You have tried asserting yourself, have said no many times and they still try and find ways to try and get you to do what they want. Well, it is time to remove them from your circle. You cannot have someone in your circle who takes you two steps back when you move one step forward. Someone who does not understand boundaries or does not care that you have them. That person does not respect you.
- Stick to your boundaries. Once you have set healthy boundaries, stick to them. Do not do this today with someone and you did not like how it made you feel and then tomorrow you say no and then when they put pressure on you, you give in. Do not allow anyone to cross your boundaries. Value your own opinion and don’t compromise your values for other people. If you have healthy boundaries you will be able to accept someone’s no.
Always remember: Value yourself because God values you greatly.