Christian Living, Relationships

How to Position Yourself to Be Found

Do you know as a single woman, you can position yourself to be found by your future husband. Now I am not talking about doing things that create negative attention. No. I am not talking about things a woman does that shout, “am here” and attract the men who are interested in a cheap thrill and then after they are satisfied, they leave you heartbroken because they were not interested in you as a wife but just as a woman he could play games with. No. That is not the kind of positioning I am writing about. Do you know by simply living your daily life, pursuing God and having a growing relationship with Him, finding out what you were created to do and setting goals and working to achieve those goals is a part of positioning yourself to be found?

womanwriting1When you think about it, you are living your life and not waiting for someone to come along so that you can start living your life. You are pursuing your dream. By spending time with God and meditating on His word everyday, the Word of God is changing you. What you put in is what you produce.

Maybe you are doing all these things and you are still wondering when he is going to show up. I believe there are reasons many single ladies have not been found by their future mates. I said, being found. I am not a believer in chasing after men. I believe men are supposed to find women. Let me stop right here and share a story.

I was watching a clip on you tube. This woman had followed her boyfriend into the mall because she had a surprise for him. Finally, it was time for the big surprise. She was all dressed up and as the video was rolling, she went on one knee and proposed. Lo and behold, the man said no. He told her he was married. Can you imagine how devastated she was? This is not the first time I have seen this happen.

Now I said there are many reasons some women have not been found even if they are ready to become wives. I will state a few.

  • There are men who believe they are God’s gift to women. Superman only exists on TV and movies.
  • There is a category of single men who are still enjoying life. They are not ready to settle. I am not talking about twenty year olds. I am talking about thirty year olds and forty year olds. They still want to do what they did when they were twenty.
  • The enemy is after men. There has been many untimely deaths.
  • There are men who are in prison. Some are in prison for mistakes they made because they did not have father figures who would be role models.
  • Then there is the number of men involved in alcoholism and drugs. Some cannot keep a job and are irresponsible. If they are not responsible over their own life, they cannot be responsible in a marriage.
  •  I also believe there are many men looking to settle down and they are wondering, just like you are where the women are.

As single women, what mistakes might you be making and how can you position yourself to be found by a man who is seriously looking for a wife?

  1. How passionate are you concerning the things of God? My husband told me one day, the reason he was attracted to me apart from my looks was the passion I had for God. I love God. Do you love God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind? This is a question only you can answer. Do you love God so much you have refused to compromise? Deuteronomy 10:22 (ESV) states, “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul,”.
    There was man who really liked a certain lady. However drunk alcohol so he gave her an ultimatum. In order for him to marry her, she had to stop drinking. She refused and so he looked for someone else. You may be very beautiful but if you have certain habits that a man cannot live with, then he will not marry you.
  2. Are you serving God where you are? It could be in church or somewhere else. I am a great believer in single women exercising their gifts in church. The church needs you. Many married women, because of the responsibilities at home, are not able to do as much as they would like. What are you doing with your gift? The more you use your gift, the more you stand out. Proverbs 18:16 (NASB) states, “A man’s gift makes room for him And brings him before great men.” There is a great man looking for you. Are you positioned? By the way, let me say, if your motive in serving God is so that you are seen by a man, he will soon realize you are faking it. A man who truly loves God and is looking for a wife will see right through your act even if it is after some time. Serve God because you love God not because you want a man.
  3. Are you responsible? A man wants a woman who knows what to do with the money he brings home; Not a spendthrift. How is your spending? Do you know how to pay your bills? Are you one of those ladies who buys a car because your other friends are buying expensive cars; then you are stuck looking for a second job to pay your car note? Are you living above your means? Do you go to a mall and two hours later, you come out with so much stuff yet you ran your credit card which you owe so much on? Do you have an understanding of how credit cards work? I could go on and on. Do not get into marriage with so much debt. If you can afford to get into marriage without debt at all, this is good. You do not want to start your marriage paying off credit card debt.
  4. Are you presentable? What kind of clothes do you wear? There are clothes which start too late. These causes your cup to run over. Then there are those which end too early and are so tight that they create bending problems. Let me share a little bit about Rahab the Prostitute. Her story is found in scripture. Rahab was in a trade that left her no option but to dress in a way that attracted men who needed their sexual needs met without strings attached. Sometimes when we dress in certain ways, we are actually passing on a totally different message than we would like to. And you don’t know which man is lusting after you because when he saw you in tight short clothes which start late and end too early, he just wants to satisfy his sexual desires. And he will do anything to get you so that he can sleep with you. Be presentable. Do not show too much skin. Keep it covered for the person who will eventually marry you.
  5. Are you hard working? No man wants to marry a lazy woman. I remember visiting a certain woman a while back. The first item that greeted me at the door was a dirty diaper. I have two children. I know how stressful it can be. There is no man who wants to enter a dirty house. And yes, it is your responsibility to clean. If you are expecting to see your husband with a mop, think again. Proverbs 18:22 states, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.” Laziness is not a wifely quality and God will not bless laziness.
    Proverbs 6:6-11 Message Bible states,

“You lazy fool, look at an ant. Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.
Nobody has to tell it what to do. All summer it stores up food;
    at harvest it stockpiles provisions. So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing?
    How long before you get out of bed?
A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there,
    sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next?
Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life,
    poverty your permanent houseguest!

Remember, If you truly love and adore God, he will work on you to be the best wife you could ever be to your future husband. “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones” Proverbs 12:4(ESV).


©Martha Macharia
Author of Waiting for a Husband, The Godly Way

Speaker and Radio Show Host
President of Woman Transformed

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