Marriage Life, Relationships

Why you should focus on Inward Beauty

The world is very focused on the outward beauty of people. It is full of lists of the most talented, the most beautiful, the “sexiest” and the list go on and on. I have wondered who comes up with this lists and why they are important. Well, I do not know the answer to those questions. All I know is man’s ways are not as God’s ways.


Every year, people’s magazine comes up with a name of the “sexiest man” alive. I don’t know the criteria they use but let me share with you a few names that have made it into this list. Blake Shelton, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Adam Levine, Johnny Depp who has actually made it two times on the cover of the magazine, Hugh Jackman, Matthew McConaughey, Jude Law, Ben Affleck, Pierce Brosnan, Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Denzel Washington, and others.

According to FMH magazine which comes up with the “sexiest women” in the world, women are chosen for their physical attractiveness, confidence, brains, talent and the way they light up an entire room when they walk in. Some women who have made it into this list are Gal Gadot, Beyoncé, Charlotte Church, Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Scarlet Johansson, Jennifer Lawrence, Britney Spears and many more.

According to esquire magazine, the most beautiful women in the world are Blake Lively, Zoe Kravitz, Emma Watson, Lupita Nyong’o, Natalie Portman and the list goes on and on. Truth be told, you and I will probably never make it into these lists but that does not mean we are not beautiful, smart, talented and confident in our own unique way. Psalm 139:13-14 states,

For You formed my innermost parts; You knit me [together] in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.

This simply means that when God looks at you, He sees a wonderfully made woman. When God created the man and woman, he looked at His creation and He said it was very good. There is no one who is more beautiful than the other. Actually there is no one more talented than another. The time and effort deposited into a natural talent is what makes people stand out and succeed in life. But that is a topic for another day.

Many women have who they think is ideal for them. The problem is, we get those ideals from different experiences and also from magazines. I use to hear ladies say they don’t want to get married to a man who is not tall. Others wanted a man who is athletic and the list of desires went on. In college, our psychology teacher’s ideal man was tall, dark and handsome. The truth is outward beauty, which by the way fades away has nothing to do with the character of a person. It is the character of a person that makes them likable or not. I have never found a woman who wants to get married to a handsome abusive man. Many would rather get married to someone who will be a great husband, father and provider. But I have found that many women are not doing a character study character study of the man. They are flabbergasted by the looks, the color of the eye, the height, weight, athletic ability, money, position, power and on and on. There is nothing wrong with admiring these qualities in a person but you have to dig deeper. You want to know the character of the person. Because it is the character of that person that will build you or break you. If he is abusive and irresponsible but you were blinded by his looks, you will not care about how he looks when he hits you or does not provide for you. Or when he is unfaithful and does not care about all the women you have seen him with.

As my husband and I were dating, I learned a little bit about him. After getting married to him, I learnt and am still learning a great deal about him. One of the most beautiful attributes about him is his peaceful nature. He is a man who loves peace. After 12 years of marriage, I am convinced inside beauty matters way more than outside looks. A wife who is being treated well by her husband will tell you there is no one as handsome as her husband. Why? Because it is not much about how he looks but who he is. What he does and how he makes her feel. It is not that he is perfect but he does right by her and loves her regardless of her issues. He walks with her through the good, the bad, and the ugly. A man who has a growing relationship with God will continue to be beautiful on the inside because of God’s work in him. If I have not convinced you yet, let me take you to scripture to a man who everyone thought was drop dead gorgeous yet his character did not march his looks.

King David had a son called Absalom. In all of Israel, there was no one else praised for his good looks like Absalom.

Now in all Israel there was no one who was praised as much as Absalom for his good looks. From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. 2 Samuel 14:25 NKJV

I wish his character marched his looks. Forgiveness was not found in him. He carried a grudge for two years. He was angry at his brother half brother Amnon for raping his sister Tamar. This anger turned into bitterness. This bitterness drove him to order the killing of his half brother.

Then Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, answered and said, “Let not my lord suppose they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for only Amnon is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar. 2 Samuel 13:32 NKJV

He tried to overthrow David his father, the king.

Now a messenger came to David, saying, “The hearts of the men of Israel are with Absalom.” So David said to all his servants who were with him at Jerusalem, “Arise, and let us flee, or we shall not escape from Absalom. Make haste to depart, lest he overtake us suddenly and bring disaster upon us, and strike the city with the edge of the sword.” 2 Samuel 15:13-14 NKJV

He later slept with his father’s concubines and everyone heard about it.

And Ahithophel said to Absalom, “Go in to your father’s concubines, whom he has left to keep the house; and all Israel will hear that you are abhorred by your father. Then the hands of all who are with you will be strong.”  So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the top of the house, and Absalom went in to his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel. 2 Samuel 16:21-22 NKJV

Absalom was an evil man. He had evil intentions. Regardless of his good looks, his thoughts and intentions were not bad.

If a man is interested in you, do not dwell on his looks. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what you need to know about him. God is more interested in the hearts of men and therefore he knows the man’s heart and his intentions. A man who is following God whole heartedly is being transformed by His Word.

Do not get discouraged if you feel like good men are not coming your way. Continue to ask God for his guidance and for your husband. Psalm 37:4 states,

 Delight yourself in the Lord, And He will give you the desires and petitions of your heart.

©Martha Macharia
Author of Waiting for a Husband, The Godly Way

Speaker and Radio Show Host
President of Woman Transformed


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