There are a number of reasons why you, as a single lady should really seek God before you say Yes to that man. But I will address what I believe is the number 1 reason why you should wait on God to yes to a relationship. The experience of a shattered heart.
I have been happily married to my husband Daniel for 12 years. We start our 13nth year of marriage this month. I have never at any one time regretted having said yes to him. I know when I said yes that God had directed me. I cannot say that I was always happy in relationships. As a matter of fact I remember a time in my life many years ago when my heart was shattered. I walked around smiling and laughing with people but I was in a lot of pain. And on top of that, I had no one to tell why I was in so much pain. I was depressed which in turn affected my grades and I lost a lot of weight. My life changed. I was no longer living but existing. I had to find ways to cope with the pain. I was not a Christian at the time. I knew of God but I did not have a relationship with God. Finally, when I could not deal with my pain anymore, I decided to talk to someone who I thought was close to me about what I was experiencing. I felt better only to feel worse later when I found out she had told one of her friends and the version she had given her was not the truth. In her version, I was to blame for my pain. And so I decided never to tell anyone else about my pain. I looked for a way to cope and behold, alcohol became my way out. And drinking would take me to a place of no pain for a few hours and then I was back to the pain later. My drinking at some point went out of control. I remember times when I had to be supported because I could not walk. Again, because I was not a Christian, I felt hopeless and my coping method was very unhealthy. Because of the pain I was feeling, I decided never to open my heart again to anyone. That does not mean I did not get into another relationship. It just means I never fell in love again until I started dating my husband.
I have found to be true that generally a woman gets into a relationship, depending on the age of course, hoping that this man will marry her. She invests into the relationship. She invests her time, money, and feelings. Some end up giving themselves to the man and once he gets what he wants, he starts to mistreat her. And now she is hooked because she has created a soul tie. Then she now does wifely duties including and not limited to cooking, doing laundry for him, and so on. Then one day, he announces to her that it is not working out. He is not into her anymore and she has to go. And she is left picking up the pieces of her shattered heart. There is a lady I know who went through a painful experience which became such a turning point in her life. Her boyfriend had said all the right things and she thought he was committed to her until the day she found out he was marrying another woman. Her life took an unpleasant turn and for years she just slept with other men including married ones and they paid for her services. That can easily happen to anyone. Thank God she is now happily married to a man who loves her. God healed her and provided for her.
When a heart is shattered, you are left to pick up the pieces of your heart and try fitting them back together to create a whole heart. This is an impossible task. It takes God to make you whole again. Why is it important to ask God whether you should get into a relationship and wait on his answer? Well before I answer this question, let me say this;
Just because the man told you God told him does not mean you say yes. Seek an answer from God too. If God spoke to him, God can speak to you too.
Now onto the answer. Because the pain of a heart break is unbelievable.
- You get stuck in time and the man is moving on to do other things or other relationships. It is sad to be stuck in the past. You cannot enjoy the present and you have no hope for the future. You cannot even make plans for the future. All your plans become meaningless because he is no longer in your life. You are not able to perceive what God is doing in your life.
- According to physicians, there is such a thing as a “broken heart”. The left ventricle in a normal heart stretches out to form a narrow neck-shaped section of the heart. This is a danger to your health because it causes the heart not function as it should.
- A broken relationship a risk factor for suicide. Since any relationship, especially romantic ones require great investment in time and creates emotional bonding, when they end, they can have serious consequences.
We should guard our hearts. Proverbs 4:23 NLT states, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
It is important to recognize all the problems that come with a broken relationship can be avoided if one is dependent on God. God is our Father. He wants the best for us but sometimes we go ahead of Him. We provide for ourselves either out of desperation or pressure. After we have provided for ourselves, when the relationship is not working, we ask Him to intervene so that it can work out. Some prayers go something like this;
- Please God change him.
- I know He is not born again but I believe if I pray He will give his life to you.
- God I really want this relationship to work. What should I do so that It can work out.
- God I pray that you move him to ask me to marry him.
And the prayers continue. The problem is, you decided to provide for yourself. God is Jehovah Jireh, your provider but you decided to step into His place. You made a decision to say yes without asking God who knows the heart of all men. He knows all the hidden secrets, all the skeletons you cannot see. And he knows most of all, “my daughter, this ain’t gonna work out.” Here is the problem with not asking God. The enemy is out to get you. He just wants to cause trouble; to destroy you. That is why you cannot afford no to ask God because He sees all things. That is why you have to be alert. 1 Peter 5:8 AMP states,
“Be sober [well balanced and self-disciplined], be alert and cautious at all times. That enemy of yours, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion [fiercely hungry], seeking someone to devour.”
The devil wants to make sure you have your heart broken. He wants to make sure you end up with the wrong person because he knows that you will be busy dealing with relationship issues that will distract you from your relationship with God. He is so excited to see one of God’s children hurting. And if he can kill you, he will. If he can kill your dream. He will. He steals, kills, and destroys.
You have to purpose, regardless of what a man tells you, to ask God first before you get into a relationship. If you feel God is saying no, don’t feel bad. I promise you, God is protecting you. You may never know from what but trust that He has the best in mind for you. Ask Him always. Seek him always. Don’t put your energy and time into a relationship with the hope you will get married. Put your energy and time into a relationship that you know will end up in marriage because God said yes.
But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also. Matthew 6:33 AMP
Author of Waiting for a Husband, The Godly Way
Speaker and Radio Show Host of Woman Transformed
President of Woman Transformed