Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine. One of the topics we were discussing had to do with relationships. As we talked, we concluded that many ladies have experienced a heartbreak or heartbreaks. I started asking myself why and I came up with some reasons I believe that may push a lady into making the jump even when her instincts are screaming NOOOO.
Some Reasons People Jump into Relationships
Lack of a Role Model
Now that I am grown, I realize that I have become more and more like my mother. I appreciate her very much. She was and still is a my role model. There are many lessons I learnt from my mother and not because she sat down and taught me but because I picked up on things. They were stored in my subconscious mind. As I live my life, I realize how much of a great influence she has been to me. Now, this is not every woman’s story. Not every woman’s mother was or is a role model. And not every woman has someone she can look up to. I remember listen to a lady who was giving her story. She said, growing up, her mother brought different men into their home. Now she finds herself not being in stable relationships. She is in one relationship after another and she does not know why. I knew she was in this situation because of her upbringing.
Encouragement: It is never too late to work on yourself. Regardless of how many relationships you have been in, you can change that pattern.
- Ask God to point out areas of weaknesses and ask him to help you work on those areas. Be vulnerable to God. He knows everything anyway.
- Read the Word of God. The Word of God will change you in ways you never thought. The more you read God’s word, the more it transforms you to be more like Christ.
- The Word of God also helps you identify how a godly man looks like so that you are able to discern godly from ungodly men.
Lack of a Relationship with God
Communication with God is paramount in our lives. It is not only important to build a relationship with God but to wholly depend on Him. He knows everything. Without God’s intervention in my life, I would not be married for twelve years and counting to my husband. I would have either gotten married to a drunk or a womanizer. God knows everything and he knows everyone’s heart. Something we cannot know because we tend to judge people by their appearances. Even Samuel, the great prophet used his eyes when it came to who he thought would be king but he was wrong. David’s son Absalom, as good looking as he was and as great hair as he had does not change the fact that he did atrocious acts against his father. As a single lady, you will avoid making mistakes if you pay attention to what the Holy Spirit says. You may not know why He says don’t do this or he is not the one but He has a great reason why.
Encouragement: A relationship with God is extremely beneficial to us. He is a true guide who helps us avoid pitfalls. He calms us and gives us peace when we are anxious. He promises to renew our strength when we wait on Him. As a single woman, he will give you courage to face another day even when those around you keep asking you when you are getting married. He will comfort you when you count how many weddings you have attended and it does not seem like your time is coming.
- Read the Word of God. Search the scriptures to know who God is.
- Practice listening to the Holy Spirit. Many times we just talk a lot but don’t give God time to speak to us.
- Meditate on the Word of God. God primarily speaks through his Word therefore you will get many of your questions answered from scripture. It is not about quantity meaning how many scriptures you read but quality meaning what you learnt.
Lack of Patience
We all fall short in this area. There is no one who is patient enough. We are all a work in progress. Some are more patient that others but it is a process that many of us don’t like yet it is very important in life. I remember one day I told a lady who was going through difficulties that if she did not stick with God’s program, she would have to start all over again. Hardships cultivate patience. A kindergartener needs to learn some stuff before he goes to first grade and a first grade student needs to learn lessons before moving on to the next grade. This needs hard work and patience. Promotion comes from hard work and patience. A great marriage is born out of hard work and patience. Without patience, relationships cannot be sustained. That is why it is easy to jump into a relationship when we don’t patiently wait on God to speak or out of a relationship because we just cannot be patient with the other person. A lack of patience can make one desperate. With desperation comes all sorts of relationship mistakes. Without patience, it becomes easy to disobey God.
Encouragement: Isaac had to wait for his wife Rebekah to be brought to him. And then he had to wait patiently in prayer to God for his wife to conceive and after twenty years, God gave them twins. Sometimes you may feel like your husband to be is far off but actually he maybe near than you think and God is working on you concerning the area of patience so that when you finally get married, you don’t walk out of the marriage because you cannot handle a minor situation. The situation may look and feel too big but because you have not learnt to wait, you lack the patience needed to work it through.
- Always remember the waiting process will come to an end. Learn what you need to learn and you will not take longer than you have to.
- As a lady in waiting, live your life. Dream and make sure you start doing what you are created to do. If you want to write a book, write one. If you want to travel do so. Enjoy your life. Treat yourself. Spoil yourself.
- Do not make pity parties for yourself. Do not sit around or walk around like someone who has no life. I tell you, if you get into this area, you will go searching for a man yourself. The enemy will make sure you go to all the wrong areas and go to greater lengths to fend for yourself.
- Wait patiently. God knows what he is doing. I will never forget a situation where I saw a lady go on her knees to propose to a man who said no only to later find out he was married. And she proposed to him in a public area.
Do not ever feel like God has not heard your prayers. God hears every prayer, knows every thought and intent of every human being. He has the road map. You just need to let him lead you.
I am sure there are many other reasons that people jump into relationships. Please feel free to add reasons or what you have experienced.
Author of Waiting for a Husband, The Godly Way
Speaker and Radio Show Host of Woman Transformed
President of Woman Transformed