Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on singlehood, but I can speak from my experiences that I have gathered by interacting and counseling with single people.
I have actively listened to single women pouring out their hearts regarding the ordeal of singlehood. One woman shared with me that her life can be more happier and fulfilling if only she would get married. Even though there is a degree of truth in this statement, it can also be a recipe for disaster.
Here are my thoughts that I would like to share with those who are waiting for the right guy, engaged, divorced, widowed or dating.
Our identity is in Christ. Our identity is not in our status whether single or married. Our status does not define who we are and no human being can make us whole. With all due respect let me say a husband will not be an answer to all your problems. I’m married to a loving responsible husband, but with all his good qualities he cannot meet all my needs and desires. He is not an answer to all my problems, and expecting him to cater for all my needs would be unfair and unrealistic. To be well balanced in this area, there is a need to understand what is God’s purpose in your life; which is found in Romans 8:28 – “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” This rich verse is an illustration of the comfort we get from knowing that no matter what circumstances we are in, we are strengthened by the hope we have in Christ.
A woman called me after she heard me talk on emotional stability. She told me that she no longer feels alive anymore, because of her negative dating experiences. She has incurred rejection, emotional and financial abuse. Life has become cumbersome and there is no adventure to look forward to.
I responded by pointing out that her life and happiness is not tied to dating. Her life will not blossom when she walks down the aisle and take the wedding vows. Life is a journey that begun at inception and will end when the last breath is taken.
Your future is not dependent on finding a husband. The goal is to live in the present moment while waiting for God’s timing and provision. Do not wait for tomorrow. God wants you to live in the present moment and enjoy his lead and the many other gifts He has given you.
This life is real, it’s not a rehearsal. The challenges we go through in this life whether single or married can be frustrating or adventurous depending on our ability to process frustrations in a healthy way, without letting anger steal our joy and hope.
The season of singlehood is a gift. Just like marriage is a gift, the season of singlehood is a gift too. One person asked me, how can it be a gift while family and friends accuse and judge me. “I have been accused of turning potential guys off, without considering that time is against me.” Another one doubted whether it is a gift, bearing in mind the pain she has gone through and constantly getting reminders that she needs to break the curse of singlehood. In this difficult situation, it is important to set boundaries that will provide protection against the ‘experts” who are judgmental and cause unnecessary headaches.
Singlehood is a gift. Every gift needs appreciation and nurture. It is not a curse and it does not make you a second-class citizen or a lesser human being. Enjoy this seasonal gift while you most likely have more time in your hands. Value what you have instead of being occupied with longing of what you do not have. Use this time to nurture relationships, try new hobbies, learn new skills, take short mission trips, engage in seasons of prayer and fasting, learn a new trade or go back to school.
Monitor your emotional and spiritual stability. Spend your emotional energy wisely. Do not ruminate on getting the right guy at the cost of your health. Do not be stuck in the past negative experiences, nor compromise or make decisions based on desperation. Work on your emotional and spiritual stability. Talk to a trusted friend, a trusted Minister or a Professional Counselor about the emotional wounds that has been inflicted on you by past relationships. Journal your emotional and spiritual healing journey. Journaling helps you in tracking your progress and unleashing your inner strength. You cannot get into a healthy relationship and a healthy marriage without being a healthy you. You cannot identify the red flags without being spiritually and mentally alert. Most importantly remember that your future is in the hands of God. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11